Before I can begin to develop my understanding of Educational Psychology, I feel as if it is important to know who I am. That may not make sense in the way that it will help me understand the course material better, but simply because identifying who a person is as an individual can help reaffirm them in their actions. Why do I want to be a teacher, and how can that help to motivate me in absorbing and accepting the most help that I can from this, and the other classes that are being used to build my future self as a teacher? So this is me, looking at myself, to see what I all ready know, and why it is that I want to share my knowledge with children.
My parents split up when I was in first grade. That is the first time in my memory that I suddenly realized that I had an opinion about school. The reaction from my parents separating and my mother moving me two hours away from my father was a transformation. I was no longer a carefree, though bossy little girl. Instead, I was angry, sad, and experiencing too many emotions that I was not mature enough to know how to handle healthily. So I lashed out in the only place I had at the time, in the classroom.
Looking back, I wish I could apologize to the teachers that I had, because I was far from being a saint. I had furious outbursts, that separated me from my learning experience and the people around me. It could have potentially damaged the rest of my academic life. All I remember is feeling a strong urge to no longer be in school, in grade 2 that is far to young to want to run from learning, and uncomfortable time spent in a counsilers office.
I'm not entirely proud of my reaction, and I have to apologize mainly to my mother for putting up with my behaviour. If it wasn't for a change that came over me, I would not want to see how my life could have ended. But I was fortunate, and I can attest the change in me to two distinct things.
When my mother moved me away, we moved to her hometown, and I was placed into the same school that she attended. The relevance of this was not the building or the teachers there, but that hanging from the wall were the pictures of the former principals of the school. My Grandfather was one of them. I can still remember looking up at his picture as we were led between the classroom the library and the gym. He became a strong influence in my life, an adult that I trusted that was there for all of my schooling, because even though I hated it some times he seemed to stay on good terms with all the other principals as I made my way though the schooling system.
The second thing that changed me around was a single teacher. Mrs. Hitchcock taught me grade 4, and her presence gave me confidence, and turned school into something that made me excited. Her involvement in me, seeming to reach out to me as if she knew I needed it, was so encouraging. That year under her guidance, I won the Red Deer Westerner Poetry contest for my age group. She had taught me what a haiku was, and was a guide in helping me find the creative voice that has only grown since then. I think that's why I still consider writing to be one of my greatest hobbies in life. But not only that, I began to want to attend school, I wanted to learn. I haven't looked back.
While I struggled with the ideas of perhaps being a doctor, a dentist, or something more science minded when I graduated high school, spending a year and a half attending University to do just that, I feel as if part of me knew what I wanted to really do. While I had enjoyed biology and chemistry in class, it wasn't the material but simply the learning that I loved. Add into that the fact that I am made enthusiastically happy simply by the presence of children, I realized that teaching was what I needed to do. There was nothing that would make my life more complete than to teach; I wanted to pass on the knowledge I gained, and to build a positive framework for children that feel the same way I do.
So, now that I'm sure that I have picked the right path, I feel motivated. This is my life, and I am taking charge. It's going to be a small change, collecting the materials that will eventually make me a teacher, the small influences that combine to be what I'm going to need to evolve into, but this is a step. Perhaps writing this blog will allow me to combine the writing that I love with finding out just what I learn.
